Gotta Do What You Gotta Do

Picture a knobby-kneed flamingo carrying a canoe through a parking lot.  Now put that flamingo in a skirt and heels.  Got that image?  Now you know what I looked like on Sunday when I was hauling our pound-packing baby in his carseat to our car.

Roy was still inside the church building, and even though I usually make him carry that clunky carseat, I thought I'd be all helpful by getting Camden buckled and ready in the back seat.  Cam was sleeping, so I was trying not to make any sudden movements, trying not to knock up against any cars.  I was wobbling through the center of the parking lot when the wind picked up hard.  The enormous carseat basically acted as a sail and started dragging me around.  On top of that, I couldn't see where I was going because my hair was flying in my face, and of course I couldn't let go of the carseat, I just had to hang on tight and hope a car wasn't going to hit us. 

Through the blonde-haired haze I saw a family exit the church building.  A dad and his two young children.  They were the perfect age to think a flamingo in heels getting whipped around the parking lot clutching a huge canoe is the funniest thing in the world.  And I was fine with that.  Until it got worse.

Another gust of wind and suddenly the ends of my skirt were blowing around my ears.  I tried to pull a Merilyn Monroe, but Merilyn didn't have a huge chunk of plastic to balance in her arms.  I've never been so grateful to be wearing black tights in my life.  I'm sure you could see my underwear right through the sheer material, but hey... it made me feel a little better as I turned my backside to the young family. 

In that moment a thought entered my mind: You gotta do what you gotta do.  I wasn't about to drop the baby just to save myself some embarrassment {or to save those poor kids from being emotionally scarred for life}.  So what to do but soldier on?  Skirt flapping, tights butt bearing, blundering my way through the parking lot. 

As soon as I got out of the middle of the road I leaned against our car door to try to pin my skirt down.  To no avail.  I decided I was just going to jump in the car as fast as possible so I didn't have to meet eyes with the family I just flashed.  I lowered the carseat to the ground just in time to hear a little toddler voice, "There's Mommy!"

I grabbed fistfuls of my skirt, held it down, and turned around to see the little girl running toward me with her arms out.  Seriously?  What about that situation made her think I was her mother?  I'm not even going to speculate.

When she saw my face her smile dropped and she made a sharp change of course away from me, her arms still out, but now clawing frantically at the air.  The dad and I laughed at the same time.  Crap.  Simultaneous laughter calls for at least an exchanged look.

Mister Dad said something, apologized for his daughter's mistake, but all I could hear was wind and my heart pulsing in my ears.  Should I apologize for flashing them all?  Pretty sure my face was purple at this point.  I nodded, smiled, said something about how cute his daughter was, opened the back door with one hand and slid backward into the car like a snail into it's shell.  Hide hide hide!

Oh yeah- then I reached out and hefted that stupid carseat into the shell with me.

I can just imagine the conversation around the dinner table that night: 
"Hey Dad, remember the crazy lady with the white underpants?"  
"What?" asks the wife.
"Oh.  There was some frazzled new mom in the parking lot," the husband clarifies.  "Couldn't walk and keep her clothes on at the same time."

Welp... all I can say is you gotta do what you gotta do.  Sometimes you gotta let the baby drool drip down your arm.  Sometimes you gotta nurse in the front seat of the car in front of Target.  Sometimes you gotta blast "all da girls in club" even though it's maybe not baby appropriate {no idea why he likes that song}.  Whatever keeps the baby happy and healthy.  Bonus points if you look ridiculous doing it.


  1. I laughed so hard I had tears running down my face! Great imagery!!

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  5. Oh this is the greatest! Ha I hate wind and skirt combos-but glad you survived and got a hilarious story from it! Hehe